Lately I’ve been commenting here and there about the complexities of life and personal interactions. I’ve had some experiences lately that I just don’t know how to handle. One realization I’ve had is that people who “play games” are just as likely not manipulative or malicious in any way … I mean sure, there are some diabolical people who are trying to make you jealous, make you angry, or hurt you … but there are also people who are just trying to do right by you and in doing so, they stumble and the net effect is nearly the same.
I’ve had personal experience with the latter, and I’ve known people who fall into the former category. While I don’t know for sure, since it’s never come to a head, I have probably inadvertently stumbled once or twice myself. What I do know is that even with the best intentions you can wind up alienating or hurting people.
The intricacies here make this an extraordinarily difficult thing to navigate. I recently made an egregious mistake that has had unimaginable consequences and I can neither undo it nor can I really apologize enough to the people involved.
I try to be a good person, I try to do the right thing, I especially try to be honest with people (doubly so with those that I care deeply about) and that has worked to some extent … but it failed me in this. In my attempts to stick to my ideals and my personal standards I not only made a misstep which was wrong, but that misstep lead to someone else’s continued pain, suffering, and fear. I’ve apologized to them repeatedly, and I can only hope that they and everyone else will forgive me … but I’m impotent to fix the mistake, impotent to stop the continued source of everything, and impotent to help the people I’ve hurt.
I just don’t know how to handle it other than to apologize profusely to everyone involved and hope that it stops soon.