Sexy Friday: The Condom Edition

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I’ll keep this brief but I would like to dispel a misconception that might have developed over the years. I don’t talk about sex with my friends almost ever really, it’s a very personal thing to me. The people I end up discussing sex with are the people I’m intimate with on some level, either now or have been in the past … otherwise it just feels weird. But under the protective shroud that the internet and anonymity provide I feel comfortable talking to you today. So let me give you a little bit of news.

Condoms suck. They’re extremely important and vitally necessary in preventing unwanted pregnancies, and the spread of disease … so don’t misunderstand anything I’m about to say here. I think everyone should use them and have safe and healthy sex lives. But they suck.

This may not sound like news to you, but stay with me and maybe you’ll understand why this is noteworthy.

Guys have not done the condom world any favors by their constant pursuit of sexual gratification in any and almost all means possible. Lying, cheating, stealing, behaving recklessly, wearing silly ass clothes, talking in silly ass ways, basically pulling out all the stops in an attempt to have sex, come close to having sex, or basically feel good. So when I say to you that condoms kind of ruin the sensation and drastically diminish the physical feel of sex … almost everyone has heard that line before, women … gay men … everyone. It’s so common it’s almost a joke because it’s just something guys say … and it always takes the tone of “C’mon baby, nothing will happen … ” which is often the same phrase that is used when trying to get sex in the first place.

C’mon baby nothing will happen … I’ll respect you in the morning … I love you baby …

This wheedling and bargaining and lying that goes on in an attempt to get sex kind of invalidates what is a very true point: condoms actually do reduce sensitivity and sensation to a large degree. That’s not a lie. I thought everyone knew this but a couple girls have sounded shocked when I informed them that yes, this is actually the case. Now, given the choice between sex and almost anything else … condom or no, people will still always choose sex. So this doesn’t mean you should be willing to compromise your safety or your rational thought and go without one … it just means that maybe there’s a better way and that you shouldn’t completely disregard everything your man says when sex is involved. If you think I’m lying, cover the most sensitive parts of your body with a couple layers of saran wrap and then see how incredible your sexual activity feels. Depending on the guy and on the circumstances, many men have difficulty maintaining an erection wrapped in a condom due to the reduced sensation.

What are the alternatives?

Well one of you should revolutionize the condom world and make a better condom for starters. I’ve read that adding some lubricant to the inside as well as the outside helps some … but that hasn’t proven to be as revolutionary as I’d hoped it would be.

Another is to completely eradicate the world of disease and find another form of birth control that you and your partner find acceptable. (unlikely so … moving along to the next idea of …)

Another option is an advertisement for a trusting, committed relationship. I was watching Private Practice in the first few seasons (yeah, I watched it … I don’t anymore) and this is something that happened almost as a side note. Once you and your significant other have decided that you don’t want to sleep around anymore … or at least not sleep around with other people … you can both get tested for diseases and get a snapshot of your health, and then safely and intelligently discuss the birth control methods available to you. Women have a variety of options, and increasingly so do men. To someone like me, this seems like the best option since you know for certain whether there are any health concerns, everything is out on the table, and then you can have sex however you please while knowing/trusting that all of your bases are covered.

What are some other options? For those of you that are single … have I missed any key points here? For those of you that are married or in committed relationships, what is your take? Maybe I’m unaware of advances in the sexy sciences research and development team. Do you have any suggestions for ways to make the condom suck less? Are there brands you find to be better than others?

The best I’ve used so far are the Trojan Ecstasy condoms. But I don’t go through multiple brands testing and trying … and I’m also not the most active individual so I’m a terrible person to act as a tester. Anyone else?