I recently broke things off with a girl I’d been seeing for the past few weeks, and I’m faced with having to get out there and meet people again. This is a terrifying concept because I still haven’t figured out how to do it. I know that the movies make it out to be either a simple thing, with beautiful interesting women everywhere … or like a tiny hurdle that, once crossed, falls behind you never to be seen or heard from again. This is not true. For some people, their lives naturally bring them into contact with people their own age in social situations where it’s acceptable to meet and interact with strangers. My life does not afford me these luxuries, either by design or by circumstance. Either way, I am where I am and nothing’s going to change anytime soon due to a distinct lack of time and general moxie.
I’ve mentioned my thoughts on approaching strangers before (The Beef), and it holds true here. Everyone has all the same advice to give me, “Join a club, maybe a biking group, what about Meetup? You can pick any hobby and there’s probably a Meetup with people who share that interest!” (internet savvy people who also are socially awkward like me … perhaps not the best pairing) What these people don’t understand is that I would very much like to meet people organically. The only relationships I’ve had that really meant anything to me were ones with people I’d met and gotten to know (at work or in a circle of friends) before actually dating. I don’t know how everyone else does it, but apparently I’m supposed to be comfortable enough and attracted to someone enough after knowing them for a matter of 1-3 hours to kiss them, and potentially make out or have happy fun time with them. I have friends that judge my dates based on how far I got, when really all I wanted was to have a nice time and actually want to see and talk with them again.
How does one do that?! Without knowing someone beforehand, how do you know any of the signals? How do you get comfortable with them or know if they’re comfortable with you? I find attractive those little intimate interactions where you know someone better than other people, and you pick up on subtle little cues they give off. But how do you get there without putting in the time?
So this is what I’m facing. Again. And Again.
Does this make me a socially awkward individual? Maybe. Does it make the idea of finding a meaningful relationship seem like a far off and remote possibility? Definitely.
6 comments
Skip to comment form ↓
Lost in the cube (@Lostinthecube)
October 31, 2012 at 7:33 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
My stepdaughter complains of the same problem. She works two jobs and has very little social time. But recently she started doing a girls night out where they pick one night a week and do something they think is fun. During one of these outings (bowling I think) they met some guys doing pretty much the same thing, from there they started about once a month meet up with the guys and from there, she has met someone that she has a connection with. They still do the group thing but now they are going out on their own. I sometime think once you stop worrying about meeting someone and focus on enjoying your life a little when you can, you open yourself up to all kinds of possibilites. I am hoping this works out for her, if it is what makes her happy.
Sisyphus
October 31, 2012 at 8:13 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Yeah … that’s one of the main reasons I’m thinking of doing this triathlon. Need to change some things up around here.
Cap N. Junkie (@capnjunkie)
October 31, 2012 at 10:58 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I was recently out with a long time friend and her suggestion to me was to join a yoga class. Exercise and a “target rich environment” (her words, not mine). Although, I believe she was referring to the larger ratio of women to men, and not the chances of me “scoring”!
Sisyphus
October 31, 2012 at 12:04 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Nice … a target rich environment. I’ll have to use that. The whole exercise class thing is a tricky one. I’ve seen/heard many women bitch about getting hit on while at the gym or while working out. Then of course there’s always the comments about how they saw some hot guy at the gym they wanted to talk to them.
I say go for it. Only be cautious not to show up and hit on everyone on the first day. =) Use that Capn charm. Tell them you saved Wallace and Gromit from impending doom. How many guys can say that?
VJ
November 1, 2012 at 1:02 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Naah, you’re not being socially awkward. You’re just being genuine….The female of our species, INMO, are kind of hardwired not to take the time to appreciate that.
cube_girl
November 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I agree with Lost, it’s difficult to meet someone when you are really trying. It was even more difficult for me after a divorce and being older. I worked for a large company, yet didn’t really want to date anyone at work (again).
For me the online dating really worked. Met some fun people, one long term relationship, and finally … met my husband. We would have never met the old-fashioned way because of location and circumstances. We met on JDate, so I always joke that it’s just like a modern day version of a matchmaker (cue music from Fiddler on the Roof).
Take some risks, go out and do stuff outside your comfort zone. Do stuff you like. Hang around the produce section at WFM
but seriously, just keep enjoying your life and keep pursuing your dream of meeting someone. It will happen. And spend some time online searching (don’t be stubborn), you learn to weed through the crap, go on a few dates, and so what if it doesn’t work out, no problem – you had a fun/interesting/crazy/weird night out! And an experience to blog/tweet about.